Post Apocalyptic Breeding Partner
The zombies are coming. You know it. I know it. It's not a question of if or how many. It's just a question of when. And when it goes down, I feel that we can reasonably assume that a large percentage of the population is going to be converted to the Tao of the , seeking to make a meal out of your sweet fem-flesh (kinda like being white bitch wasted and lost on Beale St. in Memphis) Well, I don't want to let that happen. Not out of any chivalrous mandate my dad fed me, but because the world will need to be repopulated - and you can your sweet ass that yours is the uterus to do it. Really, my requirements are simple. First, and foremost, you must have a theoretiy functional uterus. Romance before the apocalypse is not necessary, although it might slightly improve your survival chances because I *might* feel more obligated to save you from the hordes. If there's already hundreds of fast-movers climbing in your windows, but I don't really even know you... Well, I can probably find another uterus elsewhere that will require less ammunition to acquire (maintaining a Ammunition:Babies Produced ratio is going to be important). What I really need is someone who will be prepared when the zombies come, and will be ready to jump into my ride (the one with the 3 painted on the side) and execute my survival plan without moaning about how all your friends are . Seriously, you didn't like girls night that much anyways. You just went because you needed an excuse to get away from that annoying pussy of a boyfriend, . Seriously, you dated a guy who drives a Prius and thought it would end differently? I need to find somebody that isn't going to be that one chick who is always screaming and shit the whole time the zombies are busting in the windows. You at least have to be able to maintain your composure while facing down the who want to eat you alive. I don't feel like that's really asking a lot. You don't have to stay and cuddle afterwards. You can cry if you need to, as long as you keep it down. You don't even have to pretend to enjoy it if you don't want to. Just don't be that dumb, hot blonde who walks outside, unarmed, when they hear a noise yelling " ? , is that you?". Yeah, That's fucking . And is about to eat your (Let's be honest, not really that ->) little face of yours off, because is a . That's what you get for dating a guy who looks over at you after y'all get done watching the View together and says " is so smart." Being able to shoot is a serious plus. Good birthing hips and a family history of fertility is a plus as well. Please be over 18. We're not fucking here. Please be under 30ish. Sorry, but we can't repopulate the world with a uterus that only has, at best, a handful of babies left to give. I'd rather you don't have any , or at least you plan on bringing along when it goes down. In the first days of the apocalypse, are going to be a liability. We have to establish ourselves and our food sources before we start mass producing the little scream-boxes known the world over as "babies". As for me, well, how much do I really need to advertise? Do you want to survive the apocalypse or not? If you're gonna get all upset when I make some sort of comment about the brains on your blouse being the only ones you have, you probably don't possess the heart to make it anyways. I have guns, what more is required? But shh, don't tell the government. They want to take all our guns before they unleash the walking /liberals upon us! :: Foil Hat::
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